if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
