I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
