Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
