i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
