we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
