Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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