I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
