Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
