I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
