Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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