good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
