Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
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