I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
