Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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