I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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