So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
