I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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