Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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