ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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