There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
