You really coming over, don't trick.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
