Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
