everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
