Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
