As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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