well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
