Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
