I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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