My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
