we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
