I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
