i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize