He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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