Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize