I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
