there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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