Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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