i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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