i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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