I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
where are my eyebrows?
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