I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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