I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Two words: nipple clamps
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