Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
