"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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