I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
