would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
