don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
