And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize