Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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