I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
