Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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