im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
