I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
