I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
