just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize