You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
