The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
