i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
