I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
