people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
