I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
