She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
