His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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