I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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