My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
