I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
