I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
